Uncertainty and knowledge

I hate uncertainty. And sometimes knowledge sucks. A very important man in my life, the uncle who was head pharmacist at University of Loyola Hospital in Chicago, is in the hospital with hernia complications and a systemic infection and hasn't woken up in 3 days. My Uncle George, the man our second son is named after, found my parents the best neurologist and neurosurgeon when it was discovered that I had a seizure disorder caused by a rare childhood brain tumor. I was one of the first people in the United States to undergo this surgery and my uncle found the best man for the job. Uncle George was always a great guy anyway, but he also played a special part in my childhood. Too bad I'm so far away and can't see him and Aunt Susan and my cousins more often.

I say that sometimes knowledge sucks because my parents got the story from the nurses that they found more dead bowel in him from his hernia and that leached poison into his system so he is sleeping to heal better. While it may be true that his body shut down to heal, the fact that he hasn't woken for 3 days bothers me. I keep waiting for the "coma" declaration. The only thing that comforts me is the fact that they are only giving him oxygen, not breathing for him.

It seems like just yesterday that my maternal grandfather died, the last of my grandparents. That was a killer. Ask my husband. I broke down in his arms at the funeral. I still miss Grandpa Ernie. Heck, my Aunt Pam, his daughter, died a long time ago from complications of Lupus, and I still really miss her vibrant personality. My biggest fear is that Uncle George is never going to wake up, never recover, and I won't be there to see him again before that happens. Even more than that, I won't be able to say my last goodbye. I'm an overnight drive away from Chicago and I'm 33 weeks pregnant. Every OB/GYN at my clinic is going to tell me that I can't go on a trip longer than 2 or 3 hours. I can pray all I want, but it is ultimately God's decision to call him home when He wants. I have to accept that it was the right time according to God's will, no matter how much I don't like it. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.